This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes"? 

The bartender says, "No we only sell beer here". The duck leaves. 

The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"? 

The bartender says, "No I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I’m going to nail your beak to the bar.” So the duck leaves. 

The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "no". 

Ahhh okey !! Do you have any grapes"?

The Short History of Medicine

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this  prayer

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic doesn't work any more. Here, eat this root.

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." 

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." 

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. 

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" 

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. 

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line. 

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."