This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the guy and says" Have you seen Eileen?"


The guy is rather confused and asked " Eileen who?"


The bartender relies, "I lean over and you kiss my butt."


Well the man was offended by this and walks out the door and into the bar across the street.


So he sits down and orders a beer. While he is drinking his beer he tells the bartender what the other bartender said to him.


The bartender then told him," You know what you should do, you should go back over there and ask him if he has seen Ben and when he says Ben who you say I bend over and you kiss my butt.


So the guy goes back across the street and asks the Bartender if he has seen Ben.


And the Bartender said " Yep, He just went out the door with Eileen."


The guy asks" Eileen who?

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take?" his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake." "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?" "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. 
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."