There was a drunk guy in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If my wife finds out, she’s going to kill me.”
“Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”
So the drunk guy goes home and tells his wife that there was another drunk person who pukes into his shirt and give him $20 bill for the cleaning, while he handed two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.
The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he shits in my pants, too.”
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